I think I can safely say that the types of questions I most often am asked have to do with relationships. I also think that I can safely say that our relationships are the source of our greatest struggles, challenges and most plaguing questions.
Human beings are born out of relationship and the lives we lead right from infancy to old age are anchored in relationships. It is in relationship that we grow, achieve adulthood and die. But then, along with that the health of all of these relational realities will be strengthened as we learn to embrace an inner peace that comes through a trusting relationship with God.
Relationships are important to us. We want them; we seek them and deeply yearn for them. However the dynamics of relationships in our “post modern” society have and are changing for many reasons.
One reason that the dynamics of relationships has changed is because our human relationships, in practice are lived out as “day to day” experiences that must survive the wear and tear of the daily pressures of life. This is why that there are times when we find that in order not to completely lose a relationship, it is better to keep a distance. At other times, a clean break becomes necessary. It’s clear that we need to learn to cultivate relationships in a way that there is room for love, mutual respect and space for the other to grow.
At work things are different. In a work environment, where operating under a hierarchy is considered necessary, relationships tend to remain on a superficial level. Yes, there is a certain give and take in the official relationship of employer and employee. And, yes there can be connections with fellow employees but even these most often have an “arms length dynamic to them. This is exactly why relationships on this level rarely survive once we are out of that particular work situation and environment.
The family, which was once the primary environment for close relationships, is not that way for many in today’s culture. For them the sanctity of these relationships is under threat or non-existent. When manipulation, mistrust and insecurity make demands on those sacred family relationships, we might have to make that extra effort to strike a balance that will restore the pristine nature of the original relationship.
In a church family our relationships with one another become one of the chief means of our relationship with God. Ritual, shared prayer, worship and shared aims are all conventional ways to do this. However if we wish to take these relationships still further, you soon discover the need to establish a more personal link with Abba Father and one another. What I find unique is that the “give and take” of ordinary relationships with one another creates a gentle arc that connects us to Abba Father.
When we cultivate virtues like patience, compassion, mutual respect and a loving nature, we are well on the way to connecting relationally to God, whose reflection we see in other human beings as they demonstrate these same virtues. On the other side of it, any relationship that is nurtured for selfish motives and which is vulnerable to feelings of jealousy, hate and suspicion cannot last for it is not founded on unselfish love. And without the ingredient of love, a relationship lacks the spark that can help take it forward towards higher dimensions.
In so many ways we live in a place in time where people are going through life as social and spiritual nomads in search of relationships. This is our new reality in this culture because of relationships built on selfishness. As a result in each day we can either disengage more from relational connections or we can engage people on the relational level they are inviting us to participate in. It’s when I unselfishly engage people at this level that I see that I am truly partnering with Father in the things He is doing in our world.
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