Will All The Imperfect People Please Stand Up!

How imperfect are you? This was a question that I read and have been thinking about. I suspect everyone would acknowledge being imperfect but I wonder if we really have a keen and acute sense our imperfections? In our more quiet reflective times I suspect we do. In these more honest moments there’s an overwhelming sense of being inadequate because of the imperfections that exist in our lives. To others these imperfections are all very evident as well. In fact the defense mechanisms that we all have endows us with perfect vision when it comes to seeing the faults, failings, weaknesses and imperfections of others. But into these imperfection realities that easily can sabotage having healthy relationships how do we exist together in a way that would grow, enrich and promote healthier relationships?

Singer and songwriter, Don Henley wrote some lyrics that offer some wise advice about this question.

“I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter,

But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter....

But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness....

Even if.... even if.... you don't love me anymore.”

Don Henley was right: it’s all about forgiveness. It’s all about forgiveness; because we are all pretty messed up.... we are all in such need of it. Applying large doses of forgiveness is a necessary requirement for any relationship to healthy.

Authentic and healthy relationships require forgiveness or they will never be anything more than surface and often, phony encounters. Too often the disappointments and letdowns of our lives are skipped over and ignored because we have concluded that it's easier this way because these things are just too painful or too hard to face.

That’s why the only way it wouldn’t be about forgiveness would be if everyone were perfect. And since I’ve pretty much concluded that my perfection doesn’t look like a possibility any time in my immediate future, I desperately need those around me to be forgiving. That is, if I am going to get anywhere near them relationally. All of us have so much about us that will stand in the way of a real relationship if it’s not brought out into the open. After all... it is what it is, we are what we are and we've done what we've done. But then when something like that is brought out into the open, something has to be done about it. It will become the featured obstacle.... the reason why we can’t get close.... or it has to be forgiven.

I really don’t see this going any other way. There are only three possibilities here. Hold tightly to resentment or even hared toward each other and completely avoid any relationship. Carry on a superficial relationship where we hide most of our real feelings behind a mask of pretense. Or come out into the open and love each other applying forgiveness liberally to others and ourselves. As I see it, this is the only way to avoid resentment and anger. Authentic and healthy relationships is impossible without it.

I like the words that Peter wrote. His challenge was that we would, “above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8) I wonder whose sins are being covered over here? I suspect that it is everyone’s. Love enables me to look past your sins and be in relationship with you. And love enables you to look past my sins and be in relationship with me. Not only that, but it also allows us to have our own sins forgiven so we can have a sense of being worth something to someone else.

And so here's what I've learned, am still learning and will forever need to continue to learn: Relationships are a great thing, but they will never be what they could be without a commitment to forgiving each other. Without forgiving one another, your relation “ship” will never even get out of the harbor.