I think it is fair to say that we all judge and we make what we can label "judgment calls". The issue is what is behind our motive of judging? When I go shopping for some product I judge one brand over another based on price and quality. If there are two teachers teaching the same grade in the same school a parent may judge one teacher over the other as a better teacher and then make a request that their child gets the one that they have deemed the better teacher suited to their child‘s learning style. Do you get the picture? We make judgments every day.
Jesus asked the question, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” (Matt. 7:2-4)
It seems that Jesus' focus here was towards a critical judgmental spirit. There is a reason we are commanded not to judge the motives of others. You and I will never have all the information we need to make truly sound judgments about the state of someone’s heart. And the heart is what matters most to God. Ezra said, “… for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.” (1 Chronicles 28:9)
It is the Lord’s job to search our hearts and make judgments about us, because only the Lord truly understands what causes us to act the way we act. Only God understands the motives behind our wayward thoughts…. the pain and woundedness and confusion that causes us to do the things we do. God sees our sin, but more than that, God understands the humanity behind our sin. You and I may never understand why we do the wayward things we do, but that’s not important. What’s important is that God understands. And that is a very, very good thing!
There’s a very negative consequence that comes from assuming that people’s motives are the same as ours would be, or assuming that motives we don’t understand are negative. People who appear different and don’t do things the way we would are perceived as threatening and kept at arm’s length while we circle the wagons with those who think and act like we do. Have doubts? Just think about the cliques from your high school days or your social circles now and how a critical and judgmental spirit is successful at creating resentment in those environments.
So how do we stop judging people? We work towards becoming spiritually and emotionally mature.
Spiritual and emotionally mature people have no need to judge others. They have determined standards for their own behavior and they realize these standards may not apply to others. There is no “the way things should be” for them because they understand that “shoulds” are theory and the world they live in is reality. (Colossians 2:16-23)
Spiritual and emotionally mature people seek to understand the motives of others in every situation. Motives tell them if a person’s actions are grounded in character or a merely an attempt to fulfill one of their own emotional needs.
Spiritual and emotionally mature people realize that just because someone acts differently than they would isn’t a reason to feel threatened or a cue that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. God is still in charge. (James 4:11-12)
My one piece of advice for strengthening our relationships…. accept people for who they are and let go of your “shoulds”. (Romans 15:7)
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